We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
