im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
