hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
