My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
