I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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