Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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