I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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