Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
