mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
