No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
