I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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