you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just gift wrapped bread.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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