fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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