Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
