i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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