dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
