Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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