I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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