This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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