Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
