Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My dick has a subreddit
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
