well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
