I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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