...so i touched it.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize