I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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