Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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