I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
