I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize