you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
