woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
