does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
