Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
