Nicole vs. Life
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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