If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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