You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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