I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
