my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
