can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
