Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize