do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
