mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
