Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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