I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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