y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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