Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
