My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
