god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
