So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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