Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
