dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
