yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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