I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
