I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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