I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
