just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
