dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
