You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
