I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
her vagine was all disorganized.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize