I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
