I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
