I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize