On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
don't judge my taste in strippers
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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