to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
