just tell him i said nine months
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
