you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
