literally had 100 drinks last night.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
