Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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