If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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