made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
