I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
