you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize