i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
