So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
